


Available now on Etsy

by Bluandorange



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-24
Updated: 2014-04-26
Packaged: 2018-01-20 16:51:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1517978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluandorange/pseuds/Bluandorange
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Yer gonna love this," Bucky says, and Steve doubts that greatly and wow he is so right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> [This post](http://weareimmortaladolescents.tumblr.com/post/82631330667/do-it-turn-me-on) showed up on my dash and I just couldn't help myself.

"Steve."

_No_ , Steve thinks,  _nope, not now_. He rolls away from the voice and onto his side, because dammit, he was just starting to drift off. 

"Steve. Steve.  _Steve_.”

"Bucky, I hate you and I’m trying to  _sleep,”_ Steve says. 

"You can sleep later. Get up, already, and  _see this_.”

Steve grumbles as he opens his eyes. He doesn’t move to follow his friend, who’d already gone to the doorway and is lingering there with this obnoxious mixture of expectation and mischief on his face. Instead he reaches for the clock on his nightstand, saying, “What time is it,” as he turns it his way. “Oh, c’mon,  _Bucky_ , it’s like one in the morning, we have to report  _in_.”

"Steve," Bucky’s voice has turned stern. "If you don’t get outta that bed right now, I’m gonna come over there and drag you off by your foot."

Steve rolls his eyes at the threat, but he trusts Buck would follow through with it, even if it is childish and  _awful_  or maybe because it’s both those things, so he gets up and lets Bucky lead him over to where he’s got his laptop open on the kitchen table. 

"Yer gonna love this," Bucky says, and Steve doubts that greatly and  _wow he is so right_ , because Bucky turns the screen his direction and—

“ _Why_.” Steve has no other words. “Why.”

"It’s vintage," Bucky says, and that’s not an explanation, that’s just him pointing out another reason why this should be  _hilarious_. And Steve is sure it will be, for everyone but him. 

After another long minute of him just. Looking at the most tasteless light-switch fixture in the whole of mankind, Steve finally finds something else to say; “Where did you even find that.”

"Tony posted it on fa—"

"Oh  _GOD.”_

"No, no, wait, it gets better, it came with a link to where you can buy them--”

"I’m going back to  _bed_.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a sequel was requested and I caved. [The actual etsy](http://www.etsy.com/shop/IntergalacticDesign?section_id=10323189&ref=shopsection_leftnav_2) does not have a Iron Man available, but it doesn't have Cap either? So I'm taking liberties.

Steve has to admit the dick light-switch fixtures  _are_  a little funnier after he’s slept. It helps that later, when Bucky shoves his Starkpad in his face, there’s a sea of dick light-switch fixtures, none of which are in Steve’s likeness. 

“ _Wow_ ,” he says, taking the tablet. Two scrolls later and there he is, bottom of the page, in his costume from ‘43, with a light-switch for a dong. Steve shakes his head and starts working his way back up, paying more attention now to the other superheroes sharing his fate. 

"Kinda grows on ya, huh?" Bucky asks after a minute. He’s got that shit-eating grin on, the one that makes Steve wanna smack him one, but instead Steve finds himself agreeing despite his better judgement. Bucky’s expression turns expectant. "I bought one."

Steve refuses to give him a reaction. “Of course you did,” he says, instead, tone mild. He starts to hand the Starkpad back but then his eyes catch on red and gold and he does a double take. “Wait—is this ‘sposed to be  _Tony?_ " 

After a few tries, he finally gets the website to corporate and direct him to the product in question. Bucky’s pushed against his shoulder to see; he nods, “Yeah, that’s him.”

The design looks like something out of one of the old Cap comics—but of course it does, it'd have to, to fit the theme. But it’s definitely Iron Man, even says so in the product description. Steve can’t help but be impressed by the artist’s dedication to their chosen aesthetic. 

"How’d you buy it on here?" he asks Bucky. 

"You want  _that_  one?”

"I owe him a birthday present," Steve explains, grinning despite himself. "The man’s kind of hard to shop for."

Bucky grins back, takes the tablet from Steve’s hands and starts making the purchase. “What  _do_  you get a man who has everything?” 

"Novelty light-fixtures, apparently."

"You’re making me wish I didn’ tell you; could’ve been  _your_  birthday present.”

"You saved yourself a knuckle-sandwich."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I keep getting ideas for this

Steve’s vintage Ironman arrives weeks before Bucky’s vintage Cap and that pisses Bucky off. Apparently having  _the_ Tony Stark link to your work via Facebook drums up some attention, so the artist has something of a backlog to work through, so Bucky had to wait, so Bucky blames Tony. Tony should’ve kept it among them, the Avengers, just sent it in an email, then he wouldn’t have to be ass-last on some list of strangers who didn’t even  _know Steve_ —

Steve casually fuels this petty line of reasoning and Tony very vocally reminds them that if they just checked Facebook more often, this wouldn’t even be a problem. Steve tells him this was exactly why he  _doesn’t_  check Facebook. Bucky keeps putting the blame on Tony, so Tony starts giving him the silent treatment. 

In private, Bucky tells Steve he shouldn't even  _give him_ the Ironman dick-switch, because he doesn't deserve it, because he's an asshole. Steve agrees, but he knows once Bucky gets what he ordered, the whole spat with him and Tony will blow over, so he also makes sure Bucky doesn't go and install it somewhere in  _their_ house in the meantime. 

Eventually, Bucky's stupid little decoration arrives. And Bucky’s day is made and Steve can't help but grin at his enthusiasm.

Its immediately installed in their bedroom. They're generally pretty vulgar in their bedroom, but the next week is so full of dick jokes at that damned light-switch’s expense, it's ridiculous. And they're both terrible because they honestly get to the point where they're just trying to one-up the other. Even in public, at work, they find ways to subtly refer back to light-switch, just to make the other crumble into restrained laughter.

What Steve doesn't know is that, after a week, Buck's gone and explained to some of their friends just why they've so amused.

And just like when this all started, Steve doesn’t find out until he’s trying to sleep. 

And he’s real annoyed cuz he told Buck he was going to bed, and he’s in fact gotten into bed and turned the lights off, and not ten minutes after he’s gotten good and comfortable, Bucky’s turned the lights back on again.

And then Buck turns them off. And on. And off and on and off and on getting faster and faster, the switch clacking with every swipe, and Steve is going to  _kick him so hard in the softest part of his body—_

"Bucky, would you  _please_  stop playing with my dick and just lemme  _sleep_?” _  
_

The laughter that erupts from the doorway is not Bucky’s. Its tinny and quiet, and most definitely Sam’s. Steve flips around and yep, _yep_ , Buck has his Starkphone in his hand and has probably never looked so fucking proud in his life. Steve stares, mortified, for five full seconds, and then he throws himself off the bed and chases Bucky down the hall, Sam’s laughter finally drowned out by Bucky’s own and all the threats of extreme violence that are tumbling out of Steve’s mouth.


End file.
